Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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