I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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