I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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