awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
