I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
