He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
