one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
