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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
