I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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