I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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