He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
