I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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