i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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