I could have mohawked her pubes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
