It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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