We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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