i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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