Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
