just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize