Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's even glitter on my cock...
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