Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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