You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize