I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
