At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
