Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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