I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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