I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
