Well douche your snatch and let's go!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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