it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
