dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
