I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize