I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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