walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
