I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize