I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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