No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
