Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
