ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
