Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
