he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
