I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He better not be in your backpack
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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