I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
