dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
