If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
