She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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