i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
