your parents love me but you hate me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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