I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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