you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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