you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
