i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
