Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
