Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
