she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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