There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
