No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
