the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
