yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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