i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
