this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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