he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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