her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
