dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
