I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize