$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
