I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
