i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
