I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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