You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
