Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
