i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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