dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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