You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
